The Secret Code to Completing the Mission

Names of Cracker Barrel employees have been changed to protect their identity and privacy.


You've seen it in countless spy movies: The spy is on a mission, usually in a dark alley or crowded night club or train station. And suddenly, someone yanks their arm or whispers in their ear or makes eye contact and jerks their head to the side for a tête-à-tête.


And that's always when the plot thickens, because the spy learns a crucial piece of information needed to complete the mission.


In my case, (as I pursued my Mission Impossible to achieve affordable health insurance from a part-time job at Cracker Barrel), my surprise contact who had my "secret code" came in the form of Monica, a Bible student with a bun on her head.


There were about a half-dozen part-time employees at my Cracker Barrel store who were students at the local Bible college. They all wore their hair the same way (length to the hips, piled in tight buns). They all refused to work on Sundays (church time). They all were courteous, kind, earnest, and most importantly, they all met the Cracker Barrel definition of, "country fresh."


Monica was the stand-out among them. She had a natural way of leading people -- not just her fellow students, but also the other Cracker Barrel employees. She worked two jobs, one in the retail store with me, the other as a cashier. She talked to customers like a consummate politician, calming even the most dissatisfied among them, and she had one of those take-charge personalities that encouraged others to look to her for guidance. 


She was about 20 years my junior, and to say that she even commanded my respect ... is saying something. So when she whispered my name from behind the register one quiet night, Monica had my full attention.


"Hey," she said, beckoning me as I was re-folding a pile of sweaters that customers had jumbled into a disheveled pile. I sauntered over to the counter conspiratorially. 


"You are doing a really good job," Monica said, her eyebrows in her forehead. I felt like I'd just won a medal. 


"Really? Why do you say that?"


"Have you seen your UPT (SQ1978555, I added to myself) numbers?"


There was the mention again of the UPTSQ1978555 Secret Code, the mathematical formula whose meaning was still eluding me as a trainee.


"No," I answered, a little embarrassed. "I mean, I do the math once an hour like they told me, but I still have no idea what that UPT thing is. I just turn it in without thinking much about it." 


"Let me explain something," Monica said, as if she was preparing for me to imbibe Zen wisdom. "The UPT (SQ1978555) never is high. Never. Except when you're working."


Now I gave her laser-focused concentration. "OK, explain that to me. Why is it important, and what do I have to do with it?"


"It measures how many sales you're making per customer. You're supposed to average selling three items per person. Most people are lucky if they get to two. The economy is down. Our sales are never up and haven't been for a full year. You're always at or near 3, and sometimes, above. The managers look at who is moving stuff out of the store, and then they give them more hours to work."


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Now I was getting the full picture.


"So you're saying," I returned, "that the UPT (SQ1978555, I said to myself again) goes up when I'm working? How is that? All I'm doing is talking to people and doing goofy stuff at the front door when they walk in and out."


"Yep!" she said, laughing. She opened up the sales book and showed me the names of other employees and their UPTSQ1978555 numbers, then compared them to mine. And she was right. There were a couple of others who also were averaging higher scores than the others, but my scores were consistently up there.


"Listen," she told me, "It makes a difference who is working out in the retail store. It really does. As long as they're happy with your UPT (SQ1978555), you'll always have a job here."


I beamed.


This was what I needed to know! I knew that in that very moment, this was the secret code to completing my mission! And I could do this! I was naturally adept at making people feel happy when they saw me, and I was equally adept at getting them to buy anything I suggested to them. If all that was required was to keep the UPTSQ1978555 numbers high, then I'd easily win the working hours I needed to qualify for the health insurance plan.


And I'd never have to fork out hundreds and hundreds of dollars per month to pay for health insurance for me and my child. Ever. Again.


At that moment, I became more determined than I'd ever been to complete my Mission Impossible. And just like Ethan Hunt scrambling up a skyscraper with ease, I felt confident that I would do it.


Tune in for the next chapter of Mission Impossible: Health Insurance ...